Making pizza. Via Instant Messenger. He 9/11-ed me.
Sex and the City introduced Post-it breakups. But Instant Messenger breakups?
It had to happen to me to believe it.
He met someone and fell in love. Over the weekend. He asked that I cross my fingers for him. Before severing ties, then and there.
A year later, still denied closure, my recovery lingers.
Luckily, the breakup has taught me lessons.
Compiled below are my 007 dating faux pas.
1. Ignoring red flags
Nobody's perfect. But we all have deal breakers.
If you spot and overlook many red flags, red will be the color of your tears.
I noticed the guy was brooding, argumentative, resentful and moody. Used to a brother like that, I walked on eggshells and used humor to diffuse tensions.
He was often drunk. Granted, alcohol unveils people's hidden desires, but it blurs reality. So, don't believe love declarations by a guy with a bloated liver!
Like alcohol, loneliness casts a veil upon your objectivity. My guy was away from home. I suspected homesickness had lured him into believing he loved me.
Worse, he often mentioned contemplating suicide. I tried to downplay the seriousness of the situation by making him laugh. He took that for indifference. I realized my presence was unlikely to dissuade him; yet, I kept a lid on it.
I had put up with all the above because the guy seemed sincere. Self-sacrificing me wanted to help. I should have aborted this interaction in its cradle.
Now, don't cross a guy out just because he briefly picked his nose.
2. TLI (Too Little Information)
Do you live in a third-world country and plan on dating a foreigner? Explain that Internet cuts can last a week (or more) in your part of the world. Or he'll take irregular contact for avoidance. I'm speaking from experience.
Three months into our interaction, my country experienced an Internet problem. As it was being gradually fixed, more sites were becoming accessible.
My first reaction was to look for him on the site on which we met, to reassure him my Internet would be restored soon. He chose to mistrust, accusing me of cruising the Internet for hookups.
Nothing I could do or say was to convince him of otherwise.
3. Building castles on sand
Both birds must want to build a love nest. If one bird disappears in a dreamland to make plans by itself for both birds, the other will feel neglected and fly away.
My fault? Waiting for my Internet back, I devoted my nighttime to dreaming about our happily ever after once we meet. I uttered his name in my sleep. I clang to a pillow to simulate his embrace. My mornings were blushing smiles.
Once my Internet back, the cold shoulder awaited. I should have gotten the hint.
So, keep the other bird in-the-know about your dreams/plans before it's too late.
4. Showing your blog to potential boyfriends
A personal blog is nothing but the psyche's vomit.
Its content can be sarcastic and may unintentionally hurt. That's why you should hide it from a potential boyfriend. Especially a paranoid one.
If he finds it on his own, it'll be a sure-fire test of his character.
I had the wits to link my blog to my online profile.
Cursed with intense cerebral activity, I must share what's moving and shaking my life. But, the guy had become an active visitor of my blog, generously leaving insightful and cutesy comments. This limited my urge for self expression.
Three months dissuading the guy were fruitless. But, when my heart warmed up to the idea of romance again, he backtracked calling rushing 'irrational'.
In a moment of anger, I snapped in a reply to one of his blog comments. He threw a tantrum and never wanted to deal with me again ever since.
Do I regret letting anger take over me? Yes.
5. No friendship to fall back on
Friendship is a healthy point to start from and regress to.
A relationship with no prior friendship is like cordless bungee jumping.
If romantic compatibility lacks, you may lose both friend and boyfriend.
6. Falling for One Type of Guys
If your guy exclusively likes hairy and stocky guys, don't get cancer!
Chemotherapy emaciates and causes hair loss. He wouldn't like it.
I, for one, don't feel good about fitting a physical preference. It reduces to ashes any unique personality trait I, God forbid, might possess.
There are six billion people on this planet! Variety's good, you know?
7. Failing to learn
Making mistakes in love is not the end of the world. So, learn to learn from the opportunities at trial and error that life throws your way.
Without trial and error, all your knowledge about love will be passive. And passive learning has been proven to be beneficial only in the short run.
Learn to fish or wait to be fed fish?
The guy you dumped will get over you by dumping another. You'll get over the guy who dumped you by dumping another. And so on.
It's the learning from each guy that matters.
And one day, you'll meet prince charming. And both of you will have learned from your mistakes. And both will remember not to repeat them.
Just remember to invite me to the wedding, all right?
Hallelujah by Jeff Buckley