G-Spot on a Man Stands for His Gut

Problems finding your G-spot?

Forget all theories about its location. Look at your man.

He rubs his with every boner bone!

Everything stands erect when a man gets happy (pants).

The same goes for his gut. Men are that simple.

The difference between men and women is subtle.

Women's sexual organ is their brain. Tantalizing foreplay, reassuring gestures, smooth talk and the woman squirts your bedroom into an aquarium.

Men have two heads but one brain. And they can't use both heads.

Truth is, a man rarely makes a woman climax.

Women aren't hard to please. Men are just more easily satisfiable. Steak, a romp in the hay, and a snoring serenade is guaranteed. That applies to me, too. Except, unlike my Chinese pals, I don't eat pussy.

My life's changed since I embraced the size of my G-spot.

Nobody needs look for. It rests on my lap when seated. It's so big, my face and feet don't touch the bed. It's handy as the pillow skips a shower by my dinner-flavored goo. And the bed avoids velociraptor toenail scratches.

Size queens, if you saw my G-spot, you'd gag!

Like women's G-spot is believed to be bean-shaped, so is my gut — only vertical. In the mirror, I see a slim figure, with most of the gut "out of frame".

Even without Redbull, my G-spot has wings!

I asked my cousin to open the door, she mistook my love handle for the doorknob. She saw me shirtless, navel down to pubis, she thinks me a girl.

Truth is, more muffins penetrate my esophagus than trains enter tunnels. I so spoil my hairy G-spot with spicy treats, it's often drenched in such heat! Mom puts a bowl under me and uses the gathered sweat as vinegar.

Some salads we have!

But, I'm considering reducing my orgasms to a reasonable 3/day: breakfast, lunch, dinner. Exercise looks good, too. But work out alone?

So, I'm looking for an e-workout partner. No one fancy. Just a guy who is gay, athletic, nutrition savvy, patient, with a charming smile and single.

Yes. That's code for "I'm looking for an Apollo of a boyfriend".

You heard me.

Recommend applicants and help me choose one?

Please and thank you.

65 comments:

  1. Blast! My eyes are blue, I've never been able to pretend being athletic, I'm not single, I don't know shit about nutrition, even less about exercise (the horizontal bed-exercise excepted). But I am patient, and of course, what with your witty text, I'm broadly smiling as I'm writing these lines. E-work-out? I'm doing e-situps right now, lol ;)

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  2. Would green contact lenses be considered cheating? And so long as you have a flexible interpretation of athletic....and i know lots about nutrition. i.e. i know how to eat food and lots of it... i claim to exercise every so often... (badminton every monday) of course I've got a charming smile and I'm patient (i mean i put up with myself and that takes so patience) .....OHH SHIT.... not single... sorry.... welll 6 out of 7 is not bad!!!! :)

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  3. @ Dieter: Interesting. The e-workout partner is supposed to, eventually, become a boyfriend. So, DENIED! You're welcome to join the casting panel, though. ,-) By the way, I'd never show this blog to a potential boyfriend (again). It should have been entitled "Things My boyfriend Shouldn't Know". Doing e-pirouettes here, lol.

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  4. @ Kyivite: Contact lenses? I don't want him to lose 'em when we're getting physical ... at the gym. I like red, but not as an eye color. ,) Like Dieter, you're invited to recommend guys and help me pick one. :)

    P.S. I left out one criterion, but that's between the guy and I to discuss in private. *Bats eyelashes*

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  5. and that would be "no butt play", right?
    otherwise,
    i am speechless...
    for a change!
    :D~
    HUGZ

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  6. @ Ticklebear: Speechless? Why, oh why, sweets?
    I don't smoke, so I don't play with butts. And all my jokes have me for a butt. ,)

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  7. I don't understand, Ticklebear. Care to elaborate? :)

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  8. you said "you" were mainly the butt of the joke...
    i said "indeed!!"
    hello???
    :D~
    HUGZ

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  9. @ Ticklebear: I got that. Why did you say you were speechless in your first comment? :)

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  10. OH!! i don't know...
    the honesty of the topic?...
    :)~

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  11. ROFL! I was totally clueless until now! Unfortunately, I do not meet the criteria for an e-workout buddy, but all the same keep us updated on how you fair :D It would seem that from your comments, you will soon find someone more than willing to help you reach your goals!

    -hugs-

    Take care of you!

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  12. @ Ticklebear: Well, there is some exaggeration but it remains honest, indeed.

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  13. @ AIDY: Nobody reads this blog, so I doubt finding an e-workout buddy. ,) But one with my description does exist, I am sure. Starting on one's own is the plan, at first. Will keep you posted for sure. :) Glad this made you laugh!

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  14. oh, i know you like to take peotic license in your writings.
    :D~
    HUGZ

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  15. Well, I read your blog! And will continue to do so :D Regardless, I bet you are just adorable as you are already! And I agree with @Ticklebear your writing is definitely on the poetic side.

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  16. @ AIDY:

    thanx 4 correcting my dyslexia!!
    i.e. "peotic"/"poetic"
    :D~
    HUGZ

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  17. I rarely respond to peoples blogs, but i love reading your page, lets me have a giggle at the same time think about things.

    I agree completely with the "Men are just more easily satisfiable. Steak, French fries, a quick romp in the hay, an all-night snoring serenade"

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  18. "Much like women's G-spot is believed to be shaped like a bean"

    Dude.. where have you been the past decade? No wonder you're a guy, and a gay one at that.. A woman's g-spot (or g"spot") is simply an area which lies closely to the urethra. It's not like a bean, it's not even a spot, as such. The G-guy (Grafenberg) was of the opinion that the soft tissue around the urethra was very sensitive and pleasurable.. it seems he was right!

    Which makes sense when you think about it - the male g-spot, the prostate, is located in pretty much the same are as the female g-spot; close to the urethra. You just enter from the opposite side ;)

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  19. @ Ticklebear: If no poetic license is taken in self-deprecation, the world would be a sadder place, and the joke's butt's self-esteem would never be shot as premeditated. How's your G-spot doing? ,)

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  20. @AIDY: I know and am flattered you read my blog. But if I'm self-deprecating in my post but not in the comments, then something is wrong. :) How's your G-spot? ,)

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  21. @ Ashrt: This is most flattering. Thank you! I think you've just summed me up by describing what you like about my page. And men suck - who needs 'em? ,-)

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  22. @ Apples: Sweetie, how in the world was I supposed to know where women's G-spot is, or how it is shaped, I who have never pulled an Indiana Jones expedition up a woman's V-section? For my defense, I did say "it is believed to be bean-shaped." Now, some are even denying the existence of a G-spot in female genitalia, blaming public misinformation for million of women's sexual dissatisfaction. You, on the other hand, seem to have been "spotted"! How does it feel? :D

    I, for one, have never found my G-spot and that's what prompted my moving it to my belly. At least, I and my countless lovers know where it is now. ,-)

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  23. "athletic, green-eyed, knows a thing or two about a thing or two regarding nutrition and exercise, patient, with a charming smile and single"

    I fit your criteria! Now what??

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  24. @ vange: Get on on Skype with me and let's work up a sweat! :)

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  25. last i heard, it was doing fine!!
    ;)~
    HUGZ

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  26. G-spot? Ha! I have pretty much come to realize that 'G-spot' is an undefined term and its relation to me, myself and I, is equaled only to eating large amounts of chocolate and gaming.

    Does that count?

    @TickleBear -hugs- right back at ya :D

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  27. @ Ticklebear: Last you heard?
    We have spotted a noisy G-spot, ladies and gents!
    Do you still eat red things to keep it satisfied? ;-)

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  28. @ AIDY: Chocolate! Yum! It sure counts!
    Chocolate is one heck of a G-spot stimulator! ,-)
    As for gaming, how does that titillate your g-spot?

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  29. Comments are set to a pop up now.

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  30. What the popular media decides to "inform" the public of is not particularly relevant as far as actual human biology goes.. :P

    As I wrote, the g-spot is not a spot, and was never described as such. At least not until the "sex therapists" and "sexologists" thought "Hey, this is a great way to make money!" :)

    Saying the g-spot does not exist doesn't really mean anything as long as one does not define what one means by "the g-spot". According to Grafenberg it is simply a sensitive area - an erogenous zone, if you will. And as we all know, we're not all sensitive in the same areas. Some get all hot by having their nose licked, me I'm all ready to go if someone gets anywhere near the back of my neck.

    I find it very strange how so many people worry about so much when it comes to sex.. yet they never take two minutes to actually look up what it is they're freaking out about. Maybe that's why I've become so relax about sex as I've gotten older.. I'm curious and look for facts.. and I go a little farther than the last issue of Cosmo. Oh what a world it would be if more women started doing that! ;)

    As for your g-spot; as long as it feels good, at least you're doing something right! :D

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  31. @ apples: You're right. People should listen to their bodies, and not to what popular sexology says. Experimenting will prove more fruitful than any self-help book. Secrets for secrets, I, too, am sensitive behind the neck, which should remain a secret. I don't want kids running around the street tickling me with sticks and me rolling on the floor giggling. :D

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  32. @_@ I protest the line about no one reading the blog mister! BTW what I think is getting confused with the bean bit is the clitoris since the phrase 'flicking the bean' is occasionally used for female masturbation and the clit is most easily reach in stimulation. And I'm blushing at the fact that I even typed that... Of course I'm fully believe you have no need of a female anatomy lesson either.

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  33. @ andrea leigh:
    which brings to my mind a quote from CYNTHIA NIXON,(MIRANDA, SEX & THE CITY): "do you know where the clitoris is? well, it's about 2 inches lower than you think..."

    just how big is it in there?!?
    can i have one with 2 bedrooms, one and a half bath and a terrace?!?
    E-W-W-W-W-W!!!
    :D~
    HUGZ_BRUNO

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  34. @ Andrea: I know, hun. Me was kidding. As for the G-spot being bean-shaped, I read that online. I sure did not have Female Genitalia 101 class, but I know that when a woman is angry, both of her lips pout.

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  35. @ Ticklebear: Tipsy, weren't we? ,-)
    So, gay men are gay because they find vagina disgusting?

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  36. "disgusting" might be a strong word here. just "of no interest"...

    tipsy???
    what?
    no!!
    :D~
    HUGZ

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  37. @ Ticklebear: So, when a guy sees me and goes "eww", it just means he harmlessly isn't interested? ,-)

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  38. that he's "obviously" not interested...

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  39. Female G spot?

    Total myth.

    Trust me, I've looked.

    Either that, or... well, I don't want to think about the alternative.

    Nice writing!

    Caleb

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  40. @ Ticklebear: Good, because I Ewwed a guy this morning, to let him know I am obviously disinterested, and he got mad at me. ;-)

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  41. where did you do that. on a familiar website we both knew?...
    :D~

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  42. @ Caleb: (with a Russian accent) Interesting! The troops must stop looking for it in Afghanistan, in this case. ,-) What's the alternative, dare I ask?

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  43. @ Ticklebear: Yes. I used to do that quite often. I'm nicer now. Learned from you :D

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  44. @ Dubious Ticklebear: That I am nice or that I became nice looking up to you? ,-)

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  45. @ Ticklebear: Mais voyons, tu n'es pas Cromagnon Tout Mignon pour rien! But I remember not to get on your bad side, or you'll scratch me with your fake nails. ,-) Enjoy Buffy, SIR!

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  46. @ Wil: Just when they're angry? ~_^

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  47. @ Andrea: How would I know, sweetie? I hope both lips pout in the cold winter time, because if not, lots of air current can cause cold blisters on the lips, you know. :p

    How are you and Kev doing?

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  48. ooo...ahhhh...love the orgasmic aura of your post...I enjoyed your analogy and yes...men are so much more easily satiated than women. We are too complex to be easily spent.It is true that it is vital for each of us to get to know our bodies...for how can we show someone our goldmine if we have not located it ourselves~

    Much luck on your healthy eating plan~

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  49. @ Dorothy: We can't just write about serious stuff all the time, as humor has been a good disciple of Jesus Christ's: it saves. :) My gut a goldmine? Yes, if Goldmine were the brand of chocolate I keep stuffing it with. Deprecation aside, I know what you're talking about. Luckily, my pants got more comfortable on the waist. Either I lost a few millimeters of belly fat or my pants gave up and got loose! Thank you, my friend. :)

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  50. So, nobody has nobody to recommend?
    Nobody flipped their Rollerdex to find me a Beau?

    Fine!

    Let me buy a rocking chair, rescue a black cat, purchase some old books, a long shawl, get a used set of china cups, make tea, sit by the window, and welcome spinsterhood. I hope the rocking will work out my abs. ,-)

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  51. @ticklebear: I still love Jane's (from the Coupling) response: How hard is it to find front and center

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  52. @ Wil: Doing great, just signed the lease for our first 'official' apt together, not moving in until mid-Sept due to my lease not ending til beginning of Oct. Still no concrete plans as to the wedding except 2012 or 13 have been mentioned. lol

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  53. @ Andrea: Congrats! :-) But 2012? If the world ends by then, you won't consummate the marriage! lol

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  54. well, to die afianced is better than dying single...
    and remember,boy! there's nothing fake about those nails of mine!!! some men have suffered because of them...
    :D~
    HUGZ

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  55. @ Ticklebear: You and I seem to have been cursed for not being promiscuous. Or is promiscuity the way to meet Mr. Wonderful? I am afraid neither of us will attend the wedding of the other. Should I get you a rocking chair, along with mine? :)

    I bet lots of backs remember those nails of yours. Remind me not to buy knife sets if I ever move near you. :) Hugs

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  56. @Wil, has to be that long just to pay for the dress! Lol! My practical side will probably win out but considering I just tried on a GORGEOUS $1200 dress who can say ~_^

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  57. @ Andrea: Darn, that's when I regret not being able to sew!
    I'd rather have you spend those $1200 on the honeymoon travels.
    Oh well, you'd still look as cute in a sheet. :-)

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  58. My sweetie pie! It's a total lie that women need to have their brains stimulated. They love cock and to fuck like any other good fag. At least that's what I gather from my female friends' stories...also peronally I find male g-spots to be extremely sexy :] Why would one want to get rid of it I cannot gather. :] Live long and prosper ;)

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  59. @Wil, in no way shape or form could I even think of getting the dress, it's actually too fab for me. But take a look, Liz Taylor inspired, corset top with yards of train!
    http://www.marysbridal.com/bridal/5712.htm
    What I'll probably get will be more like this in ivory (to match my skintone) with a champagne belt thing It has pockets and a pricetag of around $125!

    http://www.foreverbridals.com/gownpix.asp?Style=710206

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  60. @ Andrea: The brown dress looks gorgeous! And it is beautifully simple, which is always good regarding wedding dresses (except for Christina Aguilera's Christian Lacroix frou-frou dress)

    http://www.weddingcircles.com/file/pic/article/celebrity_wedding_dresses/aguilera_1.jpg)

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  61. Ah, the re-written version is airier.

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  62. I hear images and videos can be embedded in the comments section.
    Testing ...

    http://www.weddingcircles.com/file/pic/article/celebrity_wedding_dresses/aguilera_1.jpg

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