5 Kissing Styles Philematologists Hate!
What's with the big words, huh? Simply put, philematology studies chemicals kissing releases.
You know when a guy is eating your lips and you, suddenly, start having a helluva good time? That's because your brain's panties, literally, get wet.
The main hormone your brain squirts during lip-lock is called Oxytocin.
If you start feeling less nervous around the guy. Safe in his arms. Even bonding quickly as you swap spit? That's Oxytocin. The good news? It feels awesome!
The bad news? Only women experience that rush.
Guys have it, too, but in rudimentary amounts compared to yours. That must be why prostitutes used to refuse kissing, lest they developed feelings for their clients.
Say, you feel no chemistry with a guy on a date.
Maybe you haven't switched from work mode to compliments-accepting babe. Or you still see your ex's face on every man's head and want to throw acid on it. Or, worse, your ex dining at the next table with his new conquest.
Or maybe your date's just a dud! Hello?
Calm down and tame all Real Housewives of New Jersey table-flipping urges.
The bright side is your lips and his haven't collided yet. Because remember ...
A boring guy can turn the date to his favor if armed with lethal oral skills. Immune to Oxytocin-induced emotional attachment as he is, his smooth kiss can fire up a Chinese New Year's celebration up your spine, blinding you to his imperfections.
Next thing you know, you're hooked but he's not. Sounds familiar?
So, what type of kisser has no snowflake's chance in Hades to brainwash you?
5. Donald Trump
This kisser's lips are tighter than a chicken's rear. His lips just won't unzip!
The worst part? You launch a French attack and your tongue hits a wall.
Unless your mouth is a stinky dumpster, open sesame!
P.S. Pecks are for preschoolers, boo. Loosen up!
Ever seen a lizard's tongue whip an insect?
With this kisser, you shouldn't worry something's stuck between your teeth. His tongue offers free and thorough flossing and tartar removal.
Perfect after dinner! (Unless he ate something different and you get a taste. Ew!)
3. Car Wash
Forget Neutrogena face wash products!
This kisser takes "sucking face" literally. His mouth opens so widely, his lips and spit cover your nose, mustache and chin. He'll even lick your ear canal. Ew!
I'll give no names ...
2. Sterilized Tongue
Breath fresheners smell good and leave bad aftertaste.
This kisser means well, but I refuse to kiss Vicodin. I was vacuuming a guy's tonsils when my taste buds clammed up. "Had onions today?" I asked.
"No! I sucked on mint strips all day for you!" He enthused.
1. The Kissophobe
He is the world's absolute finest kisser! And he hates it!
His lips make you swoon. And, suddenly, he stops to say the unfathomable. "I can't! Kissing grosses me out ... but it's not you, all right?" He was a Virgo.
Despite kissing a few frogs, I admit having kissed more princes.
My personal record? 7 hours non-stop.